She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
