sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
