We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
