So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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