found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
