my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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