I skipped work to stalk him.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
