Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
