Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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