I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
