I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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