About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
