Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
