We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
