do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
