Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
