You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
