I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
