All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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