I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
