Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
