Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
