I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
