I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize