have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
