I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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