i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
