Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
my liver is dry heaving
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
