fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
