I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
