My balls are so social today.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
