Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
