Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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