I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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