pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
