i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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