The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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