i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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