I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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