pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
