Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
