It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so that wasnt chicken after all
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize