went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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