Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
