your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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