I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize