I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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