so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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