Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
