ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
