you guys were way drunker than both of me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
