She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
