Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
