I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize