I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
