stop calling my apartment porn island.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
