At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
