I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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