Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
