never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
