I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
