Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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