so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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