She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
