Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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