You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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