I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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