Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
