babies were throwing up all over the place
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
it's like iHOP with fire
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
