A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
