even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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