just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
